There are two new additions to the Biggins family. Let’s introduce them, shall we?
Named for: The noted author of White Teeth, The Autograph Man, On Beauty, NW, Changing My Mind, and various essays for The New York Review of Books, The New Yorker, and Harper’s.
Age: 3 years old.
Default mode: Cranky.
Favorite place to sleep: The futon in the guest bedroom, you know, the one with the nice sheets (when shedding). On the master bed (when not shedding).
Favorite activities: Racing down the Biggins Motor Speedway (i.e., the hallway), at prime racing time (i.e., 4:00am). Howling piteously nonstop until you find her and ask “WTF?”, at which point she stops and pretends not to hear you. Scratching up the one office chair I have, which every cat I’ve ever had scratches up, even though I insist on buying expensive scratching posts.
Favorite room: The screened-in deck, where she can hiss at the neighborhood strays and stare for hours at dead leaves on the ground.
Turn-ons: Belly rubs. Ear rubs. Whisker Lickin’s. The condensation on the windows, especially when it’s cold out.
Turn-offs: Berry. (See next profile.) The smell of bourbon.
Named for: The noted essayist, poet, and novelist from Kentucky. Though, as Dan Couch, naming her for the occasionally brilliant and always lovely actress would have worked just as well, given my inclinations.
Age: 2 years old.
Default mode: Sickeningly sweet.
Favorite place to sleep: The brown chair in the den.
Favorite activities: Passive-aggression. Scoping out the kitchen counter and leaving paw prints on the bathroom sinks. Sniffing Zadie’s butt. Hairballs.
Favorite room: The screened-in deck, where she can coo at the neighborhood strays and stare for hours at dead leaves on the ground.
Turn-ons: Zadie’s butt. Belly rubs. Scratches at the base of her tail. The spinning top that lights up when you get it going fast.
Turn-offs: Being picked up for more than 5 seconds at a time.
Give ’em a hand, folks!