Sometimes, I feel like Fran Lebowitz. This week, some snippets from “Writing: A Life Sentence” apply well to my life:

How to Tell if Your Child Is a Writer: Your child is a writer if one or more of the following statements are applicable. Truthfulness is advised—no amount of fudging will alter the grim reality.

1. Prenatal
C. When your obstetrician applies his stethoscope to your abdomen, he hears excuses.

2. Birth
A. The baby is at least three weeks late because he had a lot of trouble with the ending.

3. Infancy
C. The baby’s first words, uttered at an age of four days, are “Next week.”

4. Childhood
C. He tells his teacher that he didn’t do his homework because he was blocked.

And so on. It’s notable that procrastination and sleep are perennial subjects in Lebowitz’s (small) oeuvre, which explains her output, which is meager in pages but gargantuan in wit. She guest-stars on Law & Order from time to time; I have no such excuses. I’ll be back next week. In the meantime, I have updated the “Greatest Hits” section to the left, which represents what I think are among the best posts written by yours truly. The blogroll under the “hits” is worth exploring in full. Until Monday.

About Walter Biggins

Walter Biggins is a writer based in Atlanta, GA. He is the co-author (with Daniel Couch) of Bob Mould's Workbook (Bloomsbury, 2017). His work has been published in The Quarterly Conversation,, Bookslut (RIP), The Comics Journal, The Baseball Chronicle, and other periodicals. Twitter: @walter_biggins.
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One Response to Lazybones

  1. Crap – that just totally explained my childhood. No wonder.

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